


Of Grown Men and Cream Filled Cakes

by love_in_the_stars



Category: The Walking Dead (TV), Zombieland (2009)
Genre: Crack Fic, M/M, Twinkies, attempted humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-10
Updated: 2015-02-10
Packaged: 2018-03-11 10:55:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3324905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/love_in_the_stars/pseuds/love_in_the_stars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>During a supply run at a convenience store, Rick and Daryl find a pair of survivors apparently searching for Twinkies. What follows is more than a little surreal.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Grown Men and Cream Filled Cakes

**Author's Note:**

> Well. First thing I've written in about a year and it's the Walking Dead. That's what I get for marathoning a show I'm newly obsessed with and then comparing it to my favorite zombie movie. I tried to be funny but I'm no comedian so eh.

 The Qik-Mart was almost in shambles, windows broken out and doors permanently jammed open by lack of electricity but Daryl knew better than to assume it had nothing that could be of use to them. He caught Rick's eye and after getting a nod they both crept up towards the doors, Daryl leaning over enough to peer inside. Rick scanned the road behind them as he listened for the sounds of walkers stirring inside but it was silent.  He gestured the all clear and Rick slid smoothly through the doors, knife in one hand and gun holstered at his thigh. Daryl took one last look around then followed, slinking into the door right at the other's heels, bow at the ready for any sudden threats.

They did a sweep of the store together before deeming it safe for now and began digging around for anything they could take with them back to the others. Daryl made sure to keep only an aisle away from Rick at the most as he scanned shelves and shoved any canned goods he found into his pack. He'd just packed up a rare find of canned apples when Rick's voice floated to him from further away then Daryl realized he was.

"Hey, you like sweets? Just found a box of Twinkies."

Daryl zipped his pack shut and swung around the aisle to get Rick back in sight, "Nah but ya know Carl will do just 'bout anythin' for one."

"That's true." Rick said with an amused chuckle and squeezed the box into his backpack, which was already so full it wouldn't close completely. He looked up as Daryl approached and gave a small smile, "Looks like not a bad haul out of 'ere this time."

Daryl nodded and hefted his bag, stepping in close to Rick and sliding a hand into the curls at the back of his head. He saw Rick's blue eyes spark then dove in and claimed the other's mouth in a searing kiss. Rick's free hand clutched at Daryl's shoulder, pulling him in with a whimper and opening up beautifully to his searching tongue. Daryl felt almost dizzy with sudden, flowing arousal. He pushed their hips together and shuddered at the press and delicious friction.

The sound of two car doors slamming outside the store had Daryl springing away with a guarded snarl and Rick whipping out his gun as they ran toward the front of the store. They stationed themselves at either side of the double doors, listening intently. Two voices were approaching the store at a quick pace.

"I'm telling ya I got a good feeling about this place. This is gonna be where I finally find me some Twinkies."

Daryl looked over at Rick, who looked down at his bag and shrugged, wide eyed.

"You said that at the last place, Tallahassee."

"Yeah, well I'm sayin' it again now and I'll keep sayin' it till it comes true. Now stay outta my way, I wanna try for Zombie Kill of the Week again.”

“I know, I know.”

Rick made a gesture that caught Daryl’s eye and he nodded, raising the crossbow.

“Hold up out there!”

There was a started noise from outside at Rick’s voice and the distinctive sound of a shotgun arming.

“Who the fuck are you?”

“Name’s Rick. I heard what you said ‘bout Twinkies, we snagged the only box in this place but I’ll give ‘em up if we can part ways with no trouble.”

There was a moment of silence then, “Shit, man, of course. We ain’t got no problems. If you ain’t zombies then I don’t give two shits what y’all do.”

They exchanged looks and Rick raised a brow. Daryl thought for a moment and then nodded, he sounded sincere enough.

“Alright, deal. Back away from the doors, we’ll come on out.”

Rick waited long enough for the strangers to comply then started to edge through the door, Daryl close at his left. The second they stepped into sunshine, Daryl did a quick threat assessment and leveled his bow towards the tall, thickly built man with an ax in one hand and a rifle in the other. Rick had his gun trained on the younger man with a shotgun who looked about Glenn’s age with hair curly enough to rival Rick’s. He also looked nervous as fuck.

The taller man gave a low whistle, “Nice bow ya got there, son.”

Daryl just gave him a impassive stare until Rick holstered his gun, moving slowly to broadcast his intent. It got the taller man’s attention and he looked toward Rick, Daryl bristling automatically but the man just cocked his head, focus centered on the backpack in Rick’s hand.

“Oh, you really do have some!” The younger man said suddenly and promptly seemed to regret opening his mouth. “I, uh, thought you were bluffing.”

“Name’s Tallahassee.” The other man said, rolling his eyes at his companion. “That nervous wreck is Columbus.”

Fake names, that wasn’t reassuring.

“Like I said, I’m Rick. He’s Daryl.”

“What’s with the names?” Daryl demanded, bow not wavering for an instant.

“Rule #5: No attachments.” The boy, Columbus, said with a bobble-head like nod. “It’s best not to form attachments beyond that of a Kick Ass Partner. Not using your real names helps with that.”

Somehow they both heard the capital letters in that statement.

“Tallahassee’s my KAP but you both look pretty hard core. Are you each other’s?”

Rick and Daryl looked at each other and Rick gave a one shoulder shrug, indicating he wasn’t sure what was going on either.

“Who gives a shit, I say you just toss over them there Twinkies and we all get on our way.”

That was more than fine with Daryl and he shuffled a bit closer to Rick as the man loosened the zip of his backpack enough to tug the box out. Tallahassee shoved the ax through his belt to free up a hand and catch the box when Rick tossed it.

“Aww, yeah. Today is my day, I told ya.” He said to Columbus, looking more than a little maniacal in his glee. He ripped the box open right then and there and gingerly unwrapped the first Twinkie.

Columbus saw their expressions and shrugged a little helplessly, “We’ve been looking a long time for those. They’re pretty much his favorite thing.”

“Aint never seen a grown ass man get so excited over a fucking sponge cake before.” Daryl muttered to Rick, who just smirked and side eyed him.

“Hey, uh, is there anything much left in there? There’s a few things we need to stock up on while we’re here.” The younger man asked, looking at them both curiously.

“Yeah, there’s plenty. Place was pretty well stocked.” Rick said. “We cleared it too so you should be walker safe.”

Columbus nodded, a little too vigorously again. “You call them walkers, huh? Must be different everywhere but that’s okay even if there were any Tallahassee could take them. And I always double tap so we’ll be alright.”

Rick nodded and hefted the backpack over his shoulders, “Alright then, we best be on our way. Good luck to the both of ya.”

“Thanks.” Columbus said and gave a little aborted wave before turning toward Tallahassee. “Are you gonna wait out here?” He asked, practically cradling the shotgun to his chest.

“They said they cleared the place, spitfuck, you’ll be fine. Just don’t take all damn day.”

Daryl tapped Rick’s elbow to get him to stop staring at the two strangers and start moving toward the truck.

“Survivors we find jus’ keep gettin’ weirder and weirder.” He said under his breath, prompting a chuckle out of Rick.

“Yeah but at least they weren’t homicidal.”

“True but we could’ve taken ‘em.”

Rick paused at the driver’s door and stared at Daryl over the top of the truck before glancing back at the front of the store. “I don’t know, that Tallahassee seemed pretty rough.”

Daryl clicked his tongue and glowered, “You sayin’ I couldn’t take ‘em?”

“I didn’t say that.” Rick smirked and popped open the door, “I’m just glad we didn’t have ta find out.”

Scoffing and not amused, Daryl yanked his door open just as Tallahassee finished his Twinkie and started for the inside of the store.

“Hey, spitfuck! Don’t forget the lube! And look for some of that flavored kind.” He hollered as he disappeared inside.

Rick and Daryl stared at each other for a long, still moment before Rick broke into a snorting laugh and Daryl shook his head. He got in the truck and then leaned over the seat to grab Rick by the shirtfront and yank him through the door.

“C’mon man, let’s just get out of here ‘fore they come back out and I gotta hear what brand of rubber they prefer.”

Still laughing, Rick nodded and started the truck, backing them out of the parking lot spot.

“Besides, you and I have some unfinished business of our own.” Daryl added and that reminder sobered Rick right up.

Or maybe it was the hand suddenly sitting awfully high on his thigh. Either way, they got back to camp in record time.

 

\---Later---

 

“What the fuck’s a double tap?”

“You really wanna be talkin’ ‘bout this right now, Daryl?”

“...Fuck it, never mind.”

“Mmmhmm.”


End file.
